Us humans have an annoying habit of introducing destructive species into new countries and wiping out their native wildlife. Men on ships carried cats, that carried fleas, that carried the Plague to England in the Middle Ages. And we did it in the 1950s when scientists imported the South American bullfrog to Australia - which has since chomped it’s way across the continent. And now the remote island of South Georgia in the South Atlantic is being ravaged by killer rats, brought by whaling ships. These rats are devouring all the wildlife, including many endangered species. But the South Georgia Heritage Trust is fighting back with a mass rat extermination programme. And we’re talking absolute extermination. Just two surviving rodents could see the island infested again. Like in London, you’re never more than six inches from a rat. Urgh.

The energy crisis may be solved with a new invention - bottled wind! No this doesn’t involve farting into a bottle and then setting the gas alight (we leave that type of thing to the boys). Scientists are storing wind energy using compressed air storage systems. Air from wind turbines is pumped into these underground storage facilities, which act as a spring when the energy is needed, pushing air through turbines and generating electricity. This could well be the first constant energy supply that doesn’t rely on fossil fuels. Just think of all the wars that happened because of oil, not to mention all the pollution - we say it’s not a load of hot air, give wind a chance!

When it comes to relationships, the rich, famous and deluded are making us scratch our heads with confusion. Take our favourite drug-addled soul singer Amy Winehouse. After her troubled marriage to Blake Fielder Civil - and by ‘troubled’ we mean a marriage involving heavy drugs, domestic violence, assault, countless court appearances and a stint in the clink - they’re now ‘to remarry as soon as possible’. And they want kids as well. We bet Social Services are on red alert with that one. In the meantime, TV presenter Tess Daly is standing by her man, saucy texter Vernon Kay, telling BBC’s The One Show that they both think their marriage “is worth fighting for”. Never mind that her husband’s e-flings resulted in woeful sales of her new book ‘The Baby Diaries: Memories, Milestones and Misadventures’, or that she was humiliated on a national scale. Men, eh!

The new Hollyoaks boss Paul Marquess is set to write off 11 of the soap’s characters, according to Digital Spy. So whose head is on the block? Josh, Suzanne and Neville Ashworth are out, as are Sasha, Lauren and Leo Valentine. Gerard McCarthy who plays Kris Fisher (bisexual gothic character with no dress sense) is leaving Soap Land for a glittering career in the West End. And Zak Ramsay is off after 10 years in the village. We’ll be sad to see these established characters leave, but when they do we hope it will involve explosions and plane crashes a-la Emmerdale. Given that Hollyoaks is known for outlandish storylines and high drama, we’re sure that the new plots and characters will keep us verily entertained.

Want a dog? Then you’ll need pet insurance, if government plans go ahead. Over 100 people are admitted to hospital every week after being attacked by dogs, and dangerous ‘status’ dogs are often owned illegally by gangs and used as weapons. Dog fighting, an extremely cruel ‘sport’, is also on the increase. Microchipping and compulsory insurance will help reduce the number of dog attacks, and will protect the animals from abuse. Home Secretary Alan Johnson told BBC News: “What most dog owners recognise is that what’s going on is cruelty to animals.” Agreed. But will these rules also apply to dangerous kittens, goldfish and budgies?

Heart throb pop stars JLS are to launch their own range of condoms to encourage safe sex. And in a stroke of genius they’ve called their rubber friends Just Love Safe (see what they did?!). Aston Merrygold may have a name that came straight out of The Hobbit, but he’s no stranger to the ladies. He tells The Sun: “It’s all about staying safe. We all think so. My mum sends me down a stash [of condoms] and I dish them out to the lads so none of us have to worry.” And it’s not just Aston’s mum who is pushing for safe sex, Britain is shipping 42 million condoms to South Africa ahead of the World Cup to help fight HIV. They’re assuming the football fans are about to get very lucky indeed…

The weekend saw Twitter’s 10 billionth Tweet, according to Gigatweet , the site that monitors how many Tweets Twitter is Tweeting. Unfortunately no-one knows who sent the magical Tweet, or what it said, so they can’t pick up their congratulatory fruit basket (maybe). Twitter’s popularity has recently torpedoed into cosmic levels of popularity, and experts predict that the 20 billionth Tweet will be broadcast in July. So what’s the appeal? Well, you can always follow Kalimocho on Twitter to find out! twitter.com/KalimochoGirl

Fans of the Haus of Gaga are up in arms after the diva’s promoters, Live Nation, hiked UK Monster Ball ticket prices up by 50 per cent. The tickets were originally sold at £27.50 each, but are now going for anything from £50 to £75. Fans have been showing their outrage on Gaga’s website forum, with one devotee writing: “This is not in the spirit of the GaGa Movement and Live Nation should be ashamed of themselves. aGa [sic.] herself said ‘music is an equaliser, it doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor.” For someone who claims to love her fans so much, it’s a bit pants. Put the promoters are defending their money-grabbing decision, saying: “Ticket prices are comparable and fair.” Humph.

Kathryn Bigelow scooped the coveted Best Director award at the Oscars for her film ‘The Hurt Locker’. The first woman to win this prestigious award, Bigelow has made Oscar/cinematic history, and on International Woman’s Day too! She also beat her ex-hubby James Cameron who directed the blockbuster ‘Avatar’. Sandra Bullock was awarded her first Oscar for Best Actress, beating the likes of Helen Mirren and Meryl Streep, and comedienne Mo’Nique won Best Supporting Actress for her portrayal of an abusive mother in ‘Precious’. Our gang of Brit nominees didn’t come home with any Golden Statues, but we’re chuffed that they got so far anyway! And, of course, the Oscars wouldn’t be the same without the annual scrutiny of the best and worse dresses.

Coming to a wheelie bin near you, Bin Cam! These micro-chipped bins will monitor every little scrap of rubbish you whizz away, paving the way for cash-strapped councils to fine you if you don’t recycle as much as you should. Pay-as-you-throw taxes will encourage fly-tipping, which is totally damaging to wildlife and the environment. Plus it’s just not nice to see piles of broken washing machines behind your back garden. Over 2.6 million people now have spy-cams in their bins without realising, but this comes as no surprise to us given that snooping councils often use anti-terror laws for petty offenses like bad parking. It’s not that we’re against recycling, we just don’t like being spied on!

Angelina Jolie’s reputation as a man-eating home wrecker precedes her, if reports in the Daily Mail are to be believed. Johnny Depp’s long-term partner Vanessa ‘Joe le Taxi’ Paradis has put her foot down and told Depp that there’s no way on earth he will be filming raunchy sex scenes with Jolie in his new film, The Tourist. After all, Brad Pitt couldn’t resist the vampish charms of Jolie when filming Mr & Mrs Smith. Poor old Jennifer. And Jolie hooked up with her previous husband Billy Bob Thornton while he was engaged to Laura Dern. Apparently. Anyway, it seems as though Depp’s woman is having none of it, and if rumours are to be believed (which they rarely are!) Depp is currently trying to wriggle out of his role in the film. Odds are on for Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio to fill his boots. So to speak.

Sordid tales of gay sex involving high-ranking church officials and a string of male prostitutes have rocked the Vatican. This scandal penetrates the heart of the Catholic Church after two senior priests were shafted by the police. The horny clergymen were being investigated by the authorities for fraud, Dan Browne style. But taped conversations uncovered the holy men casually ordering male prostitutes like you’d order a pizza. The Catholic Church’s stance on homosexuality is a tad negative, to say the least. They don’t outright say that gay people will burn in Hell, but they don’t promise a one-way ticket to Heaven either. So this one’s bound to raise a few eyebrows…

If you’re good at making lists, chances are you’re a genius. A Washington exhibition dedicated to the lists of the best creative minds known to man shows how you can tell a lot about a person from the way they try to organise their lives. Modern artists, including Picasso were particularly fond of lists, including an inventory of duck poses and lists of reasons for being attracted to someone. The point being that creative minds can be so chaotic that lists can act as an anchor. Or something. We’re very good at pop psychology here. Now, as an example of our creative minds, today we need to feed the cat, buy some milk, record Eastenders, make a cup of tea…

Cheryl Cole has agreed to attend marriage counselling sessions with her philandering husband, according to reports in the press. The heartbroken singer is to fly out to meet Ashley in France for ‘Crunch Talks’ with the serial cheater. We’re gutted! After being publically humiliated since the start of her marriage we thought she’d developed a backbone. But maybe not. Weak? Limp? Lifeless? That will be our impression of Cheryl Cole if she takes her cheating husband back. Don’t do it Cheryl!

The Sugababes have had their ups and downs, their make-ups and break-ups, but they’ve always come out of their cat fights smiling, one way or another. And they produced some of the best pop hits of the past decade. But when Keisha Buchanan, the last original member, left the band in 2005 people assumed it was ‘the end of the Sugababes’. Not so. But none of the original line-up remains. Now Mutya Buena has applied to the European Trademarks Authority for ownership of the band name, even though she’s not in it anymore. We don’t know how kindly the existing band members will take to this. Given the band's complicated history we expect handbags at dawn!

A new book claims to spell out how to meet the man of your dreams (oh yeah, we’ve all heard about that one!) by using science and statistics. ‘But I’m a name, not a number!’ we hear you cry. And it’s true. But some of the stats from ‘Decoding Love’ by Andrew Trees could prove useful. According to the Daily Mail, Andrew’s stats include how 60 per cent of men will chat up women who smile broadly and make eye contact, men are 50 per cent more likely to fancy their (female) mates, and women who are ovulating are more likely to make £45 per hour if they decide to take up lap dancing. On the other hand 45 per cent of men can’t bear to hear about our ongoing weight battles, 46 per cent think taking phone calls during a meal is rude (and we include texting there too!) and 30 per cent are turned off if you talk about your ex. Hardly rocket science is it! So there are the statistics. Go figure.

Live Aid 1985 wanted to raise money to help those caught up in the 1984-85 Ethiopian famine. This humanitarian disaster was made a zillion times worse by the ongoing civil war between the government and various rebel groups. But as the BBC reports today, Live Aid was victim to one of the biggest scams in history as former rebel leaders admit to using 95 per cent of the donations to buy weapons. That is a helluva lot of money. So only 5 per cent of the cash actually got to those who were starving to death. And although this 5 per cent saved millions of lives, it misses the point when most of the mercy money was funnelled towards killing machines. So should this be a lesson for well-meaning but ignorant pop stars who jump on the charity bandwagon without fully understanding what’s going on? Probably not. But in future we’ll stick with Oxfam.

Naomi Campbell’s legendary temper has landed the supermodel in hot water yet again after she attacked her chauffeur. The driver was ferrying Campbell around downtown New York when he pulled over to talk to a traffic officer. The fiery model saw red, lost control and started slapping and punching the driver, leaving him with a bruised cheek. Campbell is no stranger to controversy. In 2007 she was sentenced to a week of community service after hurling a mobile phone at a maid over a lost pair of jeans, and she has a string of assault charges to her name, generally for attacking maids and assistants. So is Campbell showing typical diva behaviour, or is she a total psycho? You decide…

A massive earthquake ripped through Chile in South America over the weekend, causing over 700 deaths. The earthquake measured 8.8 magnitude, stronger than the quake that destroyed Haiti last month. Tens of thousands are living on the streets because of damaged buildings, and over 10,000 troops have been brought into the city of Concepcion, to prevent looting. Relief efforts are starting to trickle through, with the UN pledging aid to the damaged country. Weirdly, this earthquake could have shifted the earth’s axis slightly and shortened earth’s days. But only by 1 millionth of a second.

BBC Radio 6 is up for the chop as part of a money-saving drive at the Beeb. One word - Noooooooooooooo! Radio 6 has championed new music in the UK and has some of the best DJs going, what are they thinking?! Artists like Florence and the Machine owe much of their success to Radio 6, which has helped launch the careers of many a quirky UK act. We’re sick of Dancing-On-Ice-With-Second-Rate-Celebs programmes! Radio 6 was a funky beacon of shining musical light in a sea of mediocrity. Don’t take it away from us. Or we will cry. The Beeb will announce its final plans today. We’re watching this space…