It’s week three into my party blog and I’m swaying to The Waitresses’ ‘Christmas Wrapping’ as I slurp more of Andy’s lethal (yet delicious) mulled wine.

I’m not sure if it’s just the mulled wine that’s lethal, or the fact that I’ve knocked it back alongside vodka jelly shots (no house party is the same without them) and beer.

Ladies, a word of caution during the Christmas party season: no matter how drunk you are on mulled wine, how distracted you are by the looming mistletoe, or how enamoured you are with Andy’s buffet spread of turkey, stuffing, bread sauce and pigs in blankets, do not at any time hand the photographic duties over to your boyfriend.

If you do, you’ll end up like me - with one shot of Andy’s home brew (right) and another of his Christmas tree (which I'm too embarrassed to show you).

Serves me right for allowing him to test out his 'flash app' on his pesky iPhone…turns out there is most definitely not an app for that.

As I stuff my face with yet more mince pies and slurp yet another glass of nuclear mulled wine, it isn’t long before me and Andy are back to discussing what we discuss best: his love of Gemma Arterton.

“She was late for her interview” he glazes over like a school kid at a Miley Cyrus gig, “and she was all flustered and said, ‘I’m starving, do you mind if I eat some breakfast?’ before seductively eating strawberries in front of me. It was amazing.”

“Oh please – you’re telling me if she was genuinely starving, she would’ve ordered a bowl of strawberries?” I roll my eyes.

“I’d have more respect for her if she’d tucked into a fry-up” another partygoer (female of course) adds.

“Who’s Gemma Arterton?” my boyfriend Pat chimes in.

With that, Andy loads up his laptop then and there, tapping into Google Images at 10pm on a Saturday night. Lets just say Pat’s eyebrow raise was a raise too far.

Boys, whenever faced with a spread of Gemma Arterton in Google Images, the response is simple: APATHY. We’re looking for APATHY.

Needless to say, St Trinian's is not on our list of cinema outings in 2010…

Men, eh?